Soul Contracts - When others become mirrors for our healing
How could I have known that the very week I chose to post about Soul Contracts would be the week I found myself having to do a little digging in the records about something small that happened to me but left me feeling triggered?
I guess I am lucky to be able to go into my records whenever I want to see the bigger picture of what I am feeling.
Sometimes a Soul Contract/s can look like a friendship that you believed was something more than it was or maybe it is a group of life long friends who aways have your back. Some friendships can be challenging and others are there to cheer you on.
It could be a friendship where you've spent years giving everything, showing up, helping, supporting, giving your time and energy because you genuinely love that person and don't want to lose the friendship.
But then one day you realise you're the one doing all the hard work.
This is where the deeper work begins. When we can explore why a relationship is affecting you or triggering you or giving you anxiety.
In any situation It is helpful to step back and ask:
"What is this relationship showing me?"
"What is it teaching me?"
"Why is this affecting me so much?"
Maybe the other person is going through their own personal struggles.
Maybe they enjoy receiving more than they like to give.
Maybe they feel they've over extended themselves and need to put some boundaries back in place.
Maybe they've shared more than they were comfortable with and now need to pull back.
Or maybe they simply experienced the relationship differently to the way you did.
The truth is, you will probably never know.
But perhaps you don't actually need to know.
Because sometimes the person or relationship that triggers us isn't the source of the wound.
They're the opening to something deeper.
A Soul Contract can bring something to the surface that has been sitting unhealed within us for a very long time.
It might reveal an old fear of rejection.
A fear of not being chosen.
A feeling of not being enough.
A tendency to people please in order to maintain a friendship.
Or a belief that if we love someone deeply enough, give enough, support enough or show up enough, they will love us in the same way in return.
And perhaps this is where the foundations of our childhood may come into play.
If you grew up in a childhood that was a bit chaotic like mine then you may have grown up in an environment where love and chaos existed side by side. This can create confusion as we grow up about what a relationship should be and feel like. If affection is sometimes present and then interrupted by anger, unpredictability or hurt, a child may learn that love is not safe and this can cause anxiety. Something I have also been dealing with most of my life.
Because those patterns follow us into adulthood.
We may be incredibly empathetic, loving and giving people, but underneath that beautiful capacity to love can sometimes be an unconscious belief that we need to give more, do more, support more or prove our value in order to maintain a relationship.
This is where people pleasing can enter the picture.
The giving itself isn't the problem.
Giving from love, generosity and genuine desire is a beautiful thing.
The pattern becomes painful when the unconscious belief underneath could be:
"If I give enough, they will value me."
"If I give them my heart, they won't leave me."
"If I'm useful, generous or loving enough, I'll be worthy of their love."
And when someone doesn't reciprocate or walks away it can feel like much more than losing the friendship.
It can almost feel like part of yourself and your worth has been rejected, because your worth had become attached to what you were giving.
But what if the key to your happiness going forwards isn't what others think of you, but what you think of yourself?
What if your inner worthiness becomes the seal of approval for what you deem important for your own happiness?
Because perhaps the deepest healing is learning to love deeply without making it about whether another person's ability to love you back is the measure of your worth.
You don't have to stop being generous.
You don't have to stop buying the thoughtful gift.
You don't have to stop showing up wholeheartedly.
But you can begin to ask yourself:
"Am I doing this because it brings me joy, or because I'm hoping it will make me feel more secure in this relationship?"
"Am I giving because I love to and it is authentic to me in this situation, or is there something else behind this?"
"Can I love someone deeply without abandoning myself?"
Because when you begin to separate your capacity to love from someone else's capacity to receive or return it, something shifts.
You become freer.
You can love someone and still allow them to have their boundaries.
You can care deeply and still allow a relationship to change.
You can acknowledge that someone may have experienced the relationship differently to you without making that a rejection of your worth.
And you can grieve a friendship without deciding that there is something wrong with you.
For me, this is where the deeper work of Soul Contracts comes in.
Sometimes a Soul Contract doesn't arrive to give us the relationship we hoped for.
Sometimes it arrives to illuminate the part of ourselves that has quietly been carrying a wound for years, so we finally have the opportunity to meet it with love and self compassion for what it is.
Sometimes a person has entered our life to show us something unexpected.
They may reveal a wound we didn't know was still there.
They may show us where we have been seeking validation outside of ourselves.
They may challenge our perception of friendship, love or worthiness.
And sometimes, when the relationship ends or changes, yes we may have lost something really special.
But perhaps the Soul Contract was there to complete it’s purpose.
Perhaps that person was never meant to stay forever which is sad but a part of life.
Perhaps they were simply part of the journey that led you back to yourself.
And perhaps the greatest lesson is learning to choose yourself, when someone else doesn't choose you in the way you hoped?"
A question to think about or or take into the Akashic Records is:
"What part of me still believes that another person's love, approval or choosing of me determines my value, and what does that part need from me now?"
Because maybe the soul contract isn't really about the other person at all.
It's about what they have triggered and awakened within ourself.
Once we see that, we have the opportunity to go deeper by stepping back and not blaming anyone, not judging anyone, by having a neutral outlook on the situation so you can finally heal what has been asking to be seen.
There is always a lesson to be learn’t with any Soul Contract.
For me my little trigger was around worthiness and I so I asked my guides in the records about worthiness and this is what they said:
Worthiness is linked to learned behaviors and patterns that have stemmed from trauma, abuse, rejection, fear around love, and not being loved the way you think others perceive you.
The trick to being and feeling worthy is to do with the love that you hold within yourself. For the love and the care and the devotion to self is a mirror to one's soul. And so, if you love yourself and feel worthy of the love of yourself and the love from others, you will mirror that out in love, peace, and harmony in your actions.
But if there is no love within yourself, you will not feel worthy to love yourself or to receive love from others. For worthiness should never be expressed as the way others view you. It should always come from self-validation of how you see and love your own self first. And it should never be tied to the love of another's heart.
‘If they love me, then I am worthy’.
It should always come down to, ‘I love myself and therefore I am worthy of the love I give myself and the love that others would like to pour into my heart’.
I hope this channelled message has helped you and also this whole piece about soul contracts and how they can help us to learn, heal and grow.
